"I wanna see mountains again, mountains Gandalf!"

This might be almost three weeks late, but considering how important my experiences in Iceland have been to my creativity...I felt it was important to share with you what happened on that beautiful island. Not only did it give me wonderful memories but it was also a revival.

About a year ago, Midgard 2018 was announced. It was going to be Iceland’s first all-inclusive convention. When I heard about it I couldn’t help but to be get interested, I have for a long time wanted to see Iceland, and also it would be a once in a life time experience to attend a the first convention in a country that has until now only had smaller nerd-related events. I finally decided when a good friend of mine also wanted to go AND I got a place to stay in Reykjavik: Midgard 2018 would be the first con in a long time I would go to as an attendee!

Leaving Scandinavia and arriving in this colder, but so beautiful, country was amazing: Reykjavik was beautiful, the country side was Skyrim and Middle Earth rolled into one, the hot springs were wonderful….and I haven’t even scratched the surface of what the country has to offer! Two days filled with sightseeing and photoshoots even made me forget that there was a convention…ironically, since it was just for that convention we decided to go!

Two dorks, climbing a mountain!

The first day of Midgard, we simply relaxed and looked around at the con: it was small, but organized! For a first con they sure had several interesting guest and artists, amongst them was Brian Muir: a sculptor that has worked with the Star Wars franschise, creating Darth Vaders costume (from Ralph McQuarrie’s design). We walked around, looking at what the artists had to offer and even attended one of the lectures. Then we finished the day early, decided to take it easy and get ready for tomorrow: then it was time to cosplay!

We even got goodie bags!

The final-day of Midgard we went with our cosplays: Fabian went with his Pettsson and Findus cosplay, I went with Avatar Kyoshi. And here…I’m going to be honest: I was nervous, maybe even scared, when I started on my make-up. There are several reasons to that: it was long ago since I last wore this costume so I felt rusty putting on the make-up. Even if I like this costume I couldn’t help but to look at all the small details I wasn’t happy with. Nowadays I’m more used to working and not cosplaying at conventions but of course….I was joining the cosplay competition. Signing up for it was actually not my idea, one of the organizers just suggested it since it would be more fun if more cosplayers joined. I was hesitant as this cosplay wasn’t really competition material, but I gave in when they said “it’s just for fun”. Now the day had come. Putting it on first made me uneasy.However: it all changed when I got it all on.

Walking around the con felt great, it felt so nice to take on the role of an amazing character and be in the middle of geeky environment. Then came everyone that wanted to take pictures and looked in awe….it had been too long since someone complimented me for a costume at a con. Everytime I couldn’t help but to crack a smile and compliment back in SOME way! Then came the competition. Just going back-stage to see everyone’s amazing cosplays was fun, to talk and to get excited and nervous together made it better…then I got out on the stage.

4 years had passed since I competed with a cosplay, 2 of those years I had a cosplay depression and just wasn’t happy with what I created. Sure, the depression ended when I learned to appreciate cosplay as art, and also when I learned what killed my love for making cosplays: but now finally…I was on stage again. Walking out, people were cheering and I struck two poses. I felt excitement and was so happy to be up there, I’ve missed the stage so much and even if the stage was far from Sweden: I felt at home. But it wasn’t enough for me, I decided to get closer to the audience and started to wave my hands, telling them to cheer for me more. “Louder” I thought, “louder, it’s been TOO long!”. And they cheered higher. I struck two more poses, and then got off….feeling like a thousand splendid suns.

Afterwards more people came up and gave me compliments, telling me I should win or that I was their favorite. I was smiling like an idiot. After 15 minutes, they announced the winners: I didn’t even place. People told me it was not right, but I didn’t care.

Since, I did actually win. I got to get up on stage and get people to smile. I was proven wrong: my costume was actually competition material, since I had fun.

Afterwards we had to get back to get some sleep, we had to take an early flight the next day. I had trouble sleeping since I was so excited…it didn’t get easier when Fabian (who was a judge for the competition) told me that Brian Muir sat next to him as a fellow judge. Apparently he gave me a 9 out of 10. I was stunned…one of the creators of Darth Vader’s costume liked my cosplay and stage presence? And I was so hard on myself before the competition. It’s incredible how one can think so low on oneself, when other look and just smile at you.

On an early bus back to the airport, filled with people either half or completely asleep…while I was looking out the window, I was thinking about what this unexpected journey has given me. With a warm feeling in my heart, a tear going down my cheek…I smiled.

One day, I will return

It's always good to share your thoughts with others: memories, experiences, creativity, ideas and much more has been documented in so many ways by humans for so long culture has ever existed (and even before that). And every documentation has at least affected someone else in some way no matter in a big or small way.

That's why I realised it's important to share my thoughts from time to time my experiences with cosplay. Since cosplay all ready covers the examples I mentioned before: memories of staying up working on that tedious prop, the creative output required to create something from a simple idea and of course the experience to wear your costume and walk around in it in public. Cosplay is a hobby that brings all these togheter in a way that it could even be defined as art, I will go into this in further detail in an other essay in the future. None the less, what I'm trying to say is: Something so beautiful and fascinating as cosplay should be talked more about in a deeper meaning than glorious selfies or bad ass poses. These cosplay diaries will give you my experiences and perspectives.

Today, I will mainly focus on an important event that happened earlier this week: my very first solo photoshoot in a whole year.

We'll begin with looking at this picture, taken while we were preparing the shoot itself:

...The word "beautiful" perhaps pop up? :P

Or well, I can point to some flaws...like the lack of make up on the bald cap or the fact some pieces of the costume is missing. But there is something on this picture, that makes it wonderful to look at. Sadly, you can look at it all day but won't see it and only I know what the wonderful thing about this picture is. Cause you see: that day I didn't sleep well, had a bad day at work, had to stress abit to make it to the shoot AND struggled with a cold. But under that gasmask, made from worbla, rubber and plastic, there is the biggest smile I've had in a long time. That wonderful smile stuck with me even after the shoot was done.

After studying abroad and been busy with studies, that photoshoot was like a milestone...a reminder that right now I'm taking the steps towards a productive and creative life. How can't you help to smile when you realise you're finally free to create again?!

A man from Ancient Grecce once said that we humans strive to live forever, but can't since we are mortal. Therefore we find great joy in other ways to live forever, for an example in raising a family and know your own child is a part of you that will live on even after you're gone. He also mentioned that same can be said with art: a part of us exist in what we create, and it will live on.

...Can't help to think that he would even consider using cosplay as an example if he got the see the amazing things my friends have made! (...wonder if he ever considered cosplaying, or well, something similiar to cosplay during that time...maybe cosplay Zeus?)

Cosplay has been and can be many things for me. That day, it was a milestone.

What will it be next?