My worst sin as a cosplayer

This will be less of an academic text than last time, instead I'll write something with a more personal aspect...which is also important for any art form, especially cosplay. This time I wanted to discuss something that is horrible, or worse yet....a sin, for a cosplayer to do. What is this sin? Well, it is a sin many of us have committed and sadly sneaks up on us before we even know it (especially now a days because of social media). To explain to you how I committed this sin, I need to go back in time.

I remember back in 2013, when I created my two first self made cosplays: The carolean uniform and Frank N Furter. One was more complex while the other was more simple, yet they would still be only the beginning of a wonderful journey that not only would help me get a sense of personal worth I've never felt before: but also would give me new friends, new experiences and ultimately...new lessons to learn.

Sic parvis magna

For the first time in a long time, learning was fun and I looked forward to learn more. I didn't care whether I was skilled, had followers or won awards, I just loved to learn more and make something more of my life. To not only dedicate to one but several skills. It got even better when I got in touch and cosplayed with cosplayers I looked up to, then I got to learn even more plus got to know inspiring people.

Not the best...but who cares? I had so much fun!

The next following months, it was like heaven, it was like I was legally high most of the time and nothing could stop me!

...then suddenly, in 2014, I didn't enjoy what I did. The joy of learning disappeared slowly as time passed and I got to meet more and more amazing people, suddenly my hobby was more of a burden that made it less worth to continue with. Yet I continued, in hope that this feeling was just a phase and it would disappear soon. Then, from 2015 to the second half of 2016, I had to take a break from cosplay because of studies and the bachelor thesis. Moreover, once I finally had the time to work on cosplay again, I still wasn't looking forward to it. I had many projects in mind, and barely started on any of them. From that moment, I started to wonder whether the joy was forever lost...I even started to think that I never actually liked cosplay, just probably wanted the attention it could give me. So anxiety kicked in alot of the time when I wanted to create something. I was a productive soul, that couldn't get to it and create anything.

anxiety, self-doubt...was it something wrong with me?

I would finally understand what was wrong when I started writing essays, especially after I finished my essay on cosplay as artform. Because after I finished it, I felt the same amazing feeling back from 2013 when I first got into cosplay and started learning and trying new things; it was like seeing an old friend again, and sometimes I could barely keep myself from crying because of the happiness. I couldn't stop thinking of new essay I wanted to write on popular culture, all the new things I could learn and try out!

At first I got really close of becoming more doubtful whether I truly enjoyed cosplay or not, as I kept wondering: "How can I find enjoyment in learning from this, and not from cosplay?!". Then one night while I was laying down on my bed thinking of how writing essay could be more giving than making cosplays it finally hit me; No one else I knew wrote essays about popular culture, I knew some aspiring writers, but no one who wrote anything on an academic level. On the other hand, I did know alot...ALOT of amazing and talented cosplayers. Then it hit me: since I started cosplaying, with time I slowly and steadily started to do something that is TRULY sinful for any artist/cosplayer: I started to compare myself to others. Whenever some of my friends would get an award, whenever they would pull of an amazing prop, whenever they would be featured on a webpage...I would always think "...why am I not there?". It was as if everything I did, no matter how amazing it was to learn new things, suddenly didn't mean anything since I wasn't as good as my friends. It would only be worth something if it got really popular or gave an award.

And now finally after realizing the truth after 3 years, I've started to wonder how I could stop comparing myself to others and find value in my own productivity. Then I remembered, that I've already written down the answer in the essay: every cosplay is unique, every inspiration is unique...and no one can take that away from you. I realized what I did, heck...what ALL cosplayers do, means and how much we all bring to the world. I don't care if I'm not as good as many of my friends whom have competed on an international level: my art not only brings enjoyment to ME, but it is also unique and can't be replaced by anyone else. Since then, I've finally started with my next cosplays and even started sewing an outfit for a cosplay-ball this month. I don't care how it's going to look, I'm just happy to know that I'm making something.

"Oh thank god, I found you..I've missed you so much!!"

With that said, I want to encourage all of you that are comparing yourselves to others...just stop. It only kills the joy you had and takes the worth from being an artist. You may be inspired by other artists, but know that you will never be them, since creativity is highly personal and comes in so many forms since we all are so different. As an artist, you should understand that pleasure of creating, and perception of finished art, varies from person to person. I'm going to finish this blog entry with: Don't expect that a popular costume gives you awards is the only thing that will give you happiness, but know that the enjoyment of creating is what makes you reach new heights.

Results shouldn't be the only thing that give you happiness, it is YOUR happiness that gives you the best results.